Sunday, May 20, 2012

A Returning, and A Request


Hello, loves!  I'm back!  For those wondering where I went, I went to Washington, D.C., and Pennsylvania for a short time.  I didn't end up posting, obviously, though I did keep up with blogs.  I think I've been feeling a bit writer's-blocky recently.

I had a lovely time on my trip.  It was pretty warm in D.C., which was really lovely.  Here, it doesn't really get warm until June, so it was just fabulous to wear shorts (almost) every day.  I don't know if I'll post pictures, but if I do, I'll probably post them soon.

I keep coming to this post, and trying to write on it, but it just doesn't seem to be working.  I did write a big long post, but I think that if I do end up posting it, it deserves its own post entirely.

For those of you who are wondering how my writing has been going... eh.  It's okay.  I didn't write much at all when I was on my trip, but I have managed to hit 9k on it, which is exciting.  However, I seem to be having the problem of "telling" rather than "showing".  I keep launching into long paragraphs of what's going on in Alea's life, but not actually showing what happens.  The problem is, it's just her and her horse at the moment, and so there aren't many dialogue opportunities.  I mean, I can have Alea talk to her horse, but is the horse going to respond?  No.  Making it a very one-sided conversation.  And I always find it difficult when writing a dialogue to not have another character around.  There's just not as much that one can do with it.

Actually, I'm going to post one of my more "telling" paragraphs here, and see if you guys have any suggestions to how I can adjust it, and make it more of a "showing" paragraph, something more interesting to read.

Alea clicked her tongue, and Mira trotted into the forest.  They’d been stalled on the edge, having lunch, but it was time for them to move on.  She had gone a long way in the three-quarters month she had been travelling, and knew that she would, sometime soon, reach the swamp that bordered the Hiekka Maa.  However, on the way there, there was a lot of forest to cross, and farmland.  Farmers were, for the most part, quite nice to her.  A bit wary, of course.  A single girl, relatively skilled in the arts of fighting and riding, traveling across the country toward the desert? She’d been called a witch by more than one farmer.  But she didn’t mind.  She knew they were simply wary of things they didn’t know or understand, and she was certainly one of those things.  But it got a bit weary, after a few days, with farmers pushing her away in fear.  Their wives tended to be nicer, and once, even after her husband had pushed Alea away, his wife had secretly allowed Alea to sleep in the barn.

I just really don't like the feel of this particular paragraph.  It seems very jumpy, and I don't like the way it tells so much more than shows what's going on with Alea.  So does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can adjust it?  I would really appreciate them.

The Dandy Lioness


  1. Firstly, glad you had a good time on your trip! I've never been to Washington, D.C., but it seems like an interesting place to go. It has been hot up here as well, and I'm currently in a tank top.

    Are you in the habit of writing flashback sequences? I think that would solve the farmer bit. I mean, her flashing back to the time the farmer's wife let her stay in the barn. Other than that, the passage is lovely. :)

  2. @Mika: Yeah, it was really fun!

    As for flashback scenes, I don't always, but I sometimes do write them, depending on what the character is thinking about. Thanks for the suggestion!

  3. I'm glad to hear you enjoyed the trip! :) We visited D.C. around this time of year back in 2009 and it was surprisingly warm. They seem to have good weather.

    I was going to suggest a flashback as well, or add more sensory details to how the farmer's wife had gotten her into the barn. Or, maybe you could write out a scene with action/dialogue of the farmers pushing her away and then just explain that it happened several more times?