Friday, February 17, 2012

The Truth Behind the Velociraptor Incidents

The girl glances around her, then beckons to the small group of people standing around her.  "Okay.  Gather round.  I've got a secret to tell you."
The people look interested.  A secret?  What could it be?
"See that sign over there?" she asks, pointing to a small, printed sign that read, "This is a velociraptor-free workplace.  It has proudly been [12] days since the last velociraptor incident."
They all turn and look, then nod.
"I'm going to tell you the secret about the velociraptor incidents."
They all look interested now.
"It was a dark and stormy night," she begins.

It was a dark and stormy night, with winds raging outside, and rain pounding the windows.  A small group of writers, huddled over their laptops were writing furiously.
The writers look up, confusion in their eyes.  "What was that?" asked one.
"Was it our imagination?"
"Blame it on the storm.  It's got us all frazzled," the last one said, shaking her head.
They all nodded, and went back to their work.  But hardly two minutes passed, before they heard the screech again.  "FREEEAAAAHHHH!  FREEEAAAAHHHH!"
"That was certainly not our imaginations," said the first one.
A pause.  Finally, one of them spoke.  "Well... I was just writing about velociraptors.  You don't think they... they came out of my writing, do you?"
"That only happens in stories," the last one said, shaking her head.
"But we're the writers.  Perhaps it's all real to us," said the one who had spoken.
They all exchanged glances.  This was true.  "FREEEAAAAHHHH!  FREEEAAAAHHHH!" 
"Well," said one of them, after a moment.  "It certainly sounds like a velociraptor."
"What do we do?" asked the first one, fear showing in her eyes.
"Call an exterminator?"
"Who would we call, T-Rex-B-Gone?  Be realistic," the last one said, shaking her head.
"Realistic?  We have velociraptors.  Outside our office.  In the twenty-first century.  I'm done with realistic.  I'm desperate here," said the second one.
The last one pursed her lips, but said nothing.
"Come on guys, we have to do something," said the first one.  "These velociraptors don't sound like they're going to leave us alone.  How do you scare them away?"
"Well," said the one who had (accidentally) written the velociraptors into the world, "I wrote them in.  I could try writing them out."
They all glanced at each other.  The thought hadn't occurred to them.
"We might as well give it a try," said the first one.
"Alright..." said the velociraptor-writer.  She bent over her keyboard, and began to write.
Every so often, they would hear a faint, "FREEEAAAAHHHH!  FREEEAAAAHHHH!" from outside.  And then...
"FREEEAA--" the last velociraptor cry was cut off.
The writer looked up.  "Done," she said, nodding.  "They should be gone now."

"So, that's the tale of the velociraptor incidents," explained the girl.  "We have to be careful about what we do in this office.  We're writers here.  Sometimes, well... our imaginations get the better of us."

I hope you all enjoyed this silly post about velociraptors, inspired by Scarlett, a new follower of mine, who asked about the specifics of the velociraptor incidents.

The Dandy Lioness



  2. Sophia, You Dandy Lioness!

    I am finding it very difficult to believe you are only thirteen! That said, I'll play along with your ruse. *g*

    Thanks for the linky love! YOU Rock n' Roll!

    So, Velociraptors are figments of our wild, writerly imaginations? I can see that. Since 'Jurassic Park', I (mother of three) have stood by the analogy (and use it often at parties) that kids are like Velociraptors. They shrewdly and consistently *try* the fences (patience of the parental units) until they are successful in their efforts!

    (Close your ears, Sophia!)

    To all those Velociraptor mommies and daddies out there (poor, unsuspecting fools), I give you some Winston Churchill wisdom: "Never give in. Never. Never. Never. Never."

    (Sophia, pssst! All clear.)

    If the above writing frenzy is any indicator, it appears as though we're back to square one in the Velociraptor Incident Count! I take full responsibility for inciting this riotous incident and hope you will name one these FREEAAAHHH-loving spawn after me. I always was a trouble maker of the Velociraptor kind myself. Just ask my mother.

  3. Well, I do my best to not sound thirteen on the internet, as I find many thirteen year olds on the internet to be a tad bit annoying. I've heard from several different sources, I am doing it well well. ;)

    I had fun writing it, I hadn't written anything short and silly recently, and figured that your question gave me a good excuse to do so.

    Thanks for posing the question, I had tons of fun writing about my velociraptors.

    -The Dandy Lioness

  4. So that's the story behind the Velociraptor image--I'd wondered about it!